June 8

•June 8, 2009 • 1 Comment

im devastated…broken…a good friend of mine died in an horrible accident back home.  Whilst walking home from a reasonable night out, those who found him seem to believe that he tripped and fell and impaled himself on a low, wrought-iron fencing.  He was found with one of its spikes through his eye and inside his head…

my mum called me to tell me, equally upset.

vill i ro, Sone

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June 5

•June 5, 2009 • 1 Comment

i got accused of being self righteous just the other day.  – Of being someone looking for faults in society – or something like that:  I pretty much let any detail of what was REALLY said fade away.  Because no, im not self righteous, im just honest.  Telling things how they are.  Maybe im just negative?  Cynical?  Maybe i just like to notice human folly and flaw?  Not because im above it, but because i too, am human…  Maybe Sweden kept me living in the dark for too long?  Where now, i just live in the shade.  In a town of grey… Neglected by self-righteousness…  A city crumbling and suffocating and grinding along, resting in the laurels of the faded and fading British, raping, pillaging, enslaving, colonialising empire.  Oblivious to its filth.  Its disorganisation.  Its latent hatred, racism, sexism, inequality, poverty, destruction…

who cares?

June 3

•June 3, 2009 • 1 Comment

happy new year!

im just getting home now from work.  I ended up going home with someone i met there and have had the craziest fucking morning afterwards.

Ask me

If there’s anything that i have to thank Clara for, its the fact that ive become more liberated, more free, more confident.  I feel like ive been empowered with some of the natural things that women should possess, at the very least.  But further to this, i feel like ive gained these things, and the condidence to use them in the ways that they should be used.

Liberation, i tell you.

Now though, i think im going to try and drift off to sleep.

[Thoughts of this morning skip through my buzzing head.  Smiling occassionally to myself.  Evil spirits playing hand in hand with kindred, happy ones. Affirmation of this new life that is thrusting me forwards, the colour of my world, changing ever still.]

May 28

•May 28, 2009 • 2 Comments

fair enough, they certainly serve a purpose, but have mobile phones of this day and age merely become a status symbol?  – A measure of your success?  A cry out in public of just how busy you are and how necessary it is for you to be able to check your emails so often?  There are probably a genuine amount of blackberry and iphone users who need to check in with their accounts and use this app and that app for practical and productive reasons, but how many have simply jumped on a gimmicky band-wagon and gone along for the ride?  I did.  I have an iphone.  Why? Its big, its flashy, its the trend, its the “in” thing.  But for me, there is little other point than the impression that it gives of me to those who see me using it.  Really, i didnt think so when i bought it, but now that i look at the reality of the situation, vanity, society, pride etc is what determined my purchase.  Its even too big to keep anywhere sensible or convenient.  So are most blackberrys – exactly – and to add insult to injury, i dont need the software OR the hardware that comes with the size of the device.  Its just wanky shit.  It would be interesting to know what percentage of its features on each of these phones is used by which percentage of its users right?

More and more do we become pawns in life’s game of superficial, materialistic matters.

Im on my break at work.

Its been a good night.

I just wrote this piece on my iphone.

but no-one saw

May 28

•May 28, 2009 • Leave a Comment

whats with the fucking time:

blah b lah blah blka blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blkah blah blah blahb lah balh balh blahb blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahb lahb lah blahb lahb lahb lahb ablah balhb lah blah blah blah bala blah blah bala blah blah blah bala blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blha blah blah blah blah lbah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bla blah blah blah blah blah bla hb bakhdfgaoih blah blha blah blah blah blahb lah bfucfk balhb alhb alh bfuck blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah balha blah blah blah blah blah bla blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahb alhb alhfbkfkhgoiadgiodhfgoaidhf adkihdfoik ndoifnaodifnoian fuck gfuf ufk cufk cufkc fuvck fuvck fuvk of  fo foo ofof off off off off offo fofo fofbfuck fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mqy24

•May 24, 2009 • Leave a Comment

yes, mqy.  thats right.  .But i swear i heard from you yesterday.  and now that you’re here, you’ve noticed that there was nothing there yesterday.  where were you?  what were you doing? sitting around reading i think.  the weather has been nothing short of fantastic, today being a completely cloudless day of brilliant sun and colour and noise.  i wouldnt have been anywhere but involved in some of that radiance, radiating.  – so you ‘ve had the weekend off? exactly, and its been perfectly wicked, relaxing and energising at the same time.  – Probably the first in a while.  I spoke to Mum, who says Rose is great and dad came to visit her last weekend.  Last time she heard from Melinda, she was great too, although i havent spoken to her for a while.  Smoking pot has been staggering my creativity.  Staggering, like a special effect that makes it seem as though your vision is stuttering.  Its been excellent, and ive been writing some completely random sketch comedy ideas that have been coming to me at obscure times of travel.  Its always been the most productive thinking time. Catch buses.  Put music in.  Type and type into your phone, recording all the stranger things I encounter in my brain.  It happens mid conversation at lunch.  Wrenching me away to pause myself out of interaction, tap it into my phone and rejoin the goings on.  Ive been writing a lot.  are you off tomorrow?

May 22

•May 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Happy birthday sis.

Finally, i arrive back home.  It must have been 4 days since i last wrote.  Well, considering you just checked the last thing you wrote, and you noticed it said ” May 18 ” it probably was four fucking days! …

ok.

so ive settled down i think.

but ive been wearing the same clothes to and from work (washed) washed, but just staying at Damon’s place each night after work.  He sees me off, and then comes by when we’re close to closing up the club, and takes me home.  I thought it best that i make it home tonight, just to have some time to myself before i get back into it all for the weekend.  Damon seems to know most of the people who have anything to do with the management of the venue, that’s why it seems he’s allowed to hang around and wait for me.  Fuck it was a wild past 4 days though.  The small amount of gear that i ended up getting, was simply dwarfed by the pile that he produced later no in the night when he realised that i was a fiend and that he could spur on a few crazy fucking fucking days with the help of some illicit substances.

Warped.

Its these mind-twisting experiences that send our brains to a higher education.  Ignore the pun.  Such things we learn – if we challenge ourselves – are unmatched by anything that isnt created without such twisted physical reactions.  For all the damage done, arent we all being damaged in some kind of way?

Its how we translate this damage into something else that determines the burden that it becomes